A Woman's Worth

What is the value of a woman? Is it something that can even be quantified? Too often I see women feeding into the negative stereotypes that permeate our culture. I'm tired of seeing women devaluing themselves. To the women reading this, know your worth. Know yourself. Know that your value isn't determined by the man you may or may not have. Your beauty isn't based on the size of your breasts or shape of your butt. Your worth can't be found in the brand of purse you wear or in the style of shoes on your feet. No, your worth goes way beyond what the eyes can see. A woman's worth can be found in her resolve, in her strength, and in her character. It's found in her ability to inspire, and her will to succeed. Don't stoop down to someone else's level, unless it's to bring them up to yours. Empower your sisters. Don't wait for someone to come save you; save yourself. Know that you don't need anyone else in order to validate you. And for my sisters that are in abusive relationships, leave. You don't deserve for anyone to abuse you, be it physically, verbally, or mentally. You're all beautiful, inside and out. Just my $0.02. I'm out.

Why We Cheat

If you've ever been in a relationship, the thought of cheating has crossed your mind. It's one thing to think something though, and quite another to do it. But why do we do it? It's a question as old as relationships themselves. No doubt, at some point  either you've cheated, or been cheated on. More than likely, you've experienced both sides of that coin. Some people cheat because they were cheated on first. Some do it because they assume that their mate has been doing it. Some adopt the attitude of "fuck it, why not? They'll never know." Which is actually pretty damn true. The vast majority of people never know that they've been a victim of infidelity. Which leads to the question, would you rather know your partner is out getting their groove on, or would you rather be in the dark about it? After all, ignorance sometimes truly is bliss.
While I'm on the topic, in a relationship what exactly is considered cheating? I think it's doing anything intimate or sexual with someone other than the person you're in a relationship with. But I've heard answers that run the gamut,  from texting to only sex, and everything in between. I suppose that depends on the person. It seems that it's less about the how, and more about the why. How can it be that you love someone, but still cheat on them? How can you sleep next to someone every night, yet be carrying on a secret affair? What about if you have a child with that person?
Temptation is everywhere, especially if you're a reasonably attractive person. Let's face it, when opportunities are abound, staying faithful can be cock-smashingly hard. Pair that temptation with the fact that things may not be going ideally in your current relationship, and the grass on the other side starts to look mighty green. What began as a shoulder to cry on, can quickly turn into late night text message confessionals. A lot of bad deeds start out with good intentions, so save yourself the trouble. Don't cheat. But if you must do it, don't get caught.

It's Real

 Six years ago today, a good friend of mine died from complications from AIDS. He didn't find out that he had it until a month before his death. He didn't bother to go get checked, never thought he'd get it, even though he often participated in risky behavior. Let this serve as a wake up call to everyone out there. I want to take this space to ask you all to please, take care of your health. Get tested. Know your truth. You don't have to "look sick" to have it. You don't have to necessarily feel any different than normal. But that doesn't mean that it's any less real. HIV/AIDS is having a devastating effect on our communities and our lives. The CDC estimates that 240,000 – 350,000 African Americans—about 1 in 50 African American men and 1 in 160 African American women—are infected with HIV. It's that serious. In areas such as South Florida, the numbers are even higher. Miami ranks number 1 in the United States in AIDS case rates, followed by New Orleans. We know the precautions to take in order to prevent infection, but we don't always follow them. The stigma attached to being HIV positive is also a heavy burden to wear, but it's not a burden you have to bear alone. Take time out to encourage your friends and family to get tested. Volunteer to go with them. It's scary, no doubt. But this is one instance where ignorance isn't bliss. In this case, knowing is better than not knowing. So get tested. Save a life... it may be your own.
http://www.stopthespread.com/

Movin' On

It's a question that's as old as relationships themselves; when to move on. Personally I've struggled with that a few times in my past relationships. What I've found is, when it's time to move on, you just know. Often the writing will be on the wall but both parties ignore it. The relationship'll be over but nobody will say it. So you wind up going through the motions, half heartedly, hoping against hope that your partner will end it. The sex becomes routine, and thats if you're even still having sex. The affection goes away. The littlest thing will start to piss you off. The love may still be there, but not like it was. And that's understandable. People grow apart. But there's no need to hold on just for the sake of holding on. Breaking up, for the most part, is hard to do. Nobody wants to deal with the tears, heartache and bad blood that may arise. But at what point is hanging in there worth your happiness?
 We're creatures of habit and slaves to comfort, and relationships are prime examples of that. That's why we put up with so much bullshit when we really shouldn't. We don't want to lose this things we've grown accustomed to. We put with the lying, the cheating, the excuses. We tolerate the shortcomings, the disrespect, and the abuse. Because we hope things will get better. We convince ourselves that things will be different next time. And then when we're finally fed up, and about to move on, the person changes just enough for you to reconsider. Now, can people change? Of course they can. But for the most part, if someone can see they can get away with something, they usually will. Parting words... When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

Each One, Teach One

 Black Man in America
by Laurie Cooper

 Where have all our leaders gone? I understand that we all don't have the strength to be a martyr, but damn. It seems as if no one is willing to stand up and be heard. I understand that today's society is all for serving our own interests and advancing our own agenda, and there's nothing wrong with that. But to blatantly say "fuck y'all, I'm doing me", does a disservice to everyone involved. Now if there are negative people in your life, by all means, remove them. You can't teach someone that doesn't want to be taught and you can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped. But what about the babies? What about the youth? They're still being told the same lies we were told as kids, but now we're the ones telling them. It's 2011, yet violence is still being glorified. It's still some sort of badge of honor to be poor and live in the "hood". Academic achievement is still a "white" thing, while athletic acumen is a "black" one. There's still a disproportionate amount of minorities in the penal system. I thought the point of life was to make it better for you and those around you, not to just accept what you have been handed and move along. But to do so, you'd be labeled a sell-out, and somehow not as real. Which is bullshit. We need to teach the value of self worth to our children. Teach them that you aren't valuable because somebody thinks you look good, and you're not valuable because you can sing a song well. You're not valuable because you can throw a ball or run fast. You're not valuable because you make straight A's. You're not valuable because you're financially well off. But rather that you're valuable because they've been created by God, and because you're unique. We've all got a part to play here. If our voices aren't heard, the decisions get made for us and without us.
 I realize that the era of the Malcolm and Martin, Huey and Bobby, even Al and Jesse, are over. Our leaders need to be the father or father figure. The mother or mother figure. Older brothers. Big sisters. Guide our young ones down a better path than the one we traveled. Because simply, if we don't remedy the mistakes of our past, our future is lost.

Back For The First Time...

First of all, I'd like to take time out to thank everyone that's taking the time out to read this. It means more to me than it ever could to anyone else. Trust me. This site is meant to serve as a written testament to the things that are going on around us, from music to movies, social events to pop culture, I'll be touching on it all. Sometimes funny, sometimes serious, but always entertaining, I present to you the view beyond the lights.